Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated

Genesis 25:23 

“And the Lord said to her: "Two nations [are] in your womb,  Two peoples shall be separated from your body;  [One] people shall be stronger than the other,  And the older shall serve the younger." 

Romans 9:11-13: 

“  (for [the] [children] not yet being born, nor having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of Him who calls),  12  it was said to her, "The older shall serve the younger."  13  As it is written, "Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated." 

Notice Paul quotes Genesis 25:23 that says “two nations” and “two peoples” in Rebecca. 

God chose Jacob and his descendants over Esau and his.  The older shall serve the younger. 

Charles Cranfield  says in his commentary on Romans, 9:12- 

“’The elder shall serve the younger’ is an exact quotation of the last part of the Septuagint version of Gen 25:23.  The interest of this Genesis verse as a whole is clearly in Jacob and Esau not just as individuals but also, and particularly, as the ancestors of two nations; for the part quoted is preceded by ‘Two nations are in thy womb’ And two peoples shall be separated from thy bowels:  and one people shall be stronger than the other people.’  It is important to stress that neither as they occur in Genesis nor as they are used by Paul do these words refer to the eternal destinies either of these two persons or of the individual members of the nations that sprung from them;  the reference is rather to the mutual relations of the two nations in history. 

…There is no doubt that the concern of Mal 1.2-5 is with the nations of Israel and Edom, and Paul probably thought of the words from Genesis, but expressing it more clearly and pointedly, and therefore suitable as a further and decisive corroboration of what had just been said, and, in particular, of the words of Genesis 25:23 (“the elder shall serve the younger”).   …”love” and “hate” are rather to be understood as denoting election and rejection respectively.  God has chosen Jacob and his descendants to stand in a positive relation to the fulfillment of His gracious purpose:  He left Esau and Edom outside that relationship.” 

Consider Deut 10:15: 

15  "The Lord delighted only in your fathers, to love them; and He  chose  their descendants after them,  you   above  all peoples, as [it] [is] this day.   

Ex 19:5-6:  5  `Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant, then you shall be a  special  treasure to Me above all  people ; for all the earth [is] Mine.   

6  `And you shall be to Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.' These [are] the words which you shall speak to the children of Israel."

The words by the Apostle Paul in Romans 9.13, taken from Malachi 1.2-3, reveal that God had a priority of commitment with Jacob and Israel over that of with Esau and Edom.

We should not understand "hate" in the sense that God determined to eternally condemn Esau or his descendants. It's true in the Malachi context that God shows contempt towards Esau and Edom--the nation that comes from him, but this contempt and judgment are due to their conduct, particularly for their treatment of Israel.

God had a covenant with Israel through Abraham and Isaac that resulted in a priority of commitment. God would fulfill His covenant through Jacob and Israel--even though their conduct was as bad or worse than Edom's.

God did not enter into a special relationship/ covenant with Esau and his descendants. God did not make a commitment with Esau/ Edom like he did with Jacob/ Israel.

This statement about love and hate does not mean all Israelites will be saved or that all Edomites will be lost. Though Israel's conduct eventually resulted in Divine judgment, God will still restore them, but Edom will get no special treatment--Divine judgment will continue on Edom because of their conduct.

God's priority of commitment was to Israel.

Not every Israelite will have everlasting life, just as not every Edomite will go to Hell.

Israel was God's people for his purpose in time, to show forth God's holiness and salvation to the world.

The idea of priority of commitment with reference to hate is seen in connection with discipleship.

Luke 14.25-27: Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. 

"And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.”

Isn’t this a contradiction? To hate one's parents?

Paul speaking with reference to one of the 10 commandments says: (Ephesians 6:1-3) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."

Christ informs His disciples that they must “hate” family and self to be His disciple. This hate cannot mean we must violate one of the commandments.

Christ was maybe using such language as an attention getter. But surely, this must not be a detesting or a lack of concern or responsibility for family members. It has to do with priority of commitment.

Honoring one's parents does not mean the parent should dictate one's priority of commitment to God.  Of course, one always needs to use discernment on where to “draw the line” when it comes to obedience to God and honoring and caring for parents  and family members.

"Hate” involves a commitment that can be life-threatening.

Acts 15. 24-26: Since we have heard that some who went out from us have troubled you with words, unsettling your souls, saying, "[You] [must] be circumcised and keep the law"--to whom we gave no [such] commandment--it seemed good to us, being assembled with one accord, to send chosen men to you with our beloved Barnabas and Paul, men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 16.3-4: Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their own necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles.